Contributor: Eldria Coleman
Many of you may have of heard of Devon Franklin and Meagan Good’s new book “The Wait” that released in 2016. This book has received many great reviews as well as becoming one of ‘New York Times Best-Selling’ books. The beautiful couple has traveled all over the world discussing their book, views on marriage God’s way and what it takes to abstain from sex in a relationships—the strengths and weaknesses of waiting. Well, I have been following their stories very closely, and I must say that I absolutely love and adore what they are standing for…. PURITY. But, honestly, they are not the first to wait to have sex until marriage before there were many couples stories I have heard who began the same journey. I truly believe that God will highlight certain people so that He can wake up the people He’s being trying to get attention for so long. Yes, I truly believe that we all have a responsibility to certain people on this Earth knowing Christ. And, this specific topic leads me to my journey of “The Wait” while in college….
I decided my senior year in high school that I actually was going to pursue the whole waiting until to marriage to have sex… and honestly it has been one of the most hardest and best decisions I have ever made in my life. I will not sit and lie to you and say that this has been one of the easiest things I have done. A lot of times, I thought that I should have just had sex. It would have made things easier, right? I mean, sometimes I felt that it I would have avoided all the questions from the guys I dated as well as the curious people wanting to understand why I have yet to lost my virginity. It would have been so much easier for us to build a stronger relationship, right? If I would have just have given into having sex then it would made life so much easier for me concerning dating and even friendships…. wrong! Instead, I chose to WAIT. How could a person even pursue “the wait” with such a sex-driven culture and raging hormones in college anyways? Lets face reality, it is just plain hard to WAIT ON SEX. One of the most inconsiderate questions I have received was and this is loosely quoted… “Do you feel anything? I mean… How do you have an urge to have sex if you’ve never actually had sex?” I wanted to slap this person… no really, I did. But, instead, I responded by saying, “So, how did you start having sex again?”
IF NO ONE HAD URGES TO HAVE SEX THEN WE ALL WOULD BE SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT THE WAIT!!! LOL! I said I never had sex before NOT kissed a boy before or let alone been alone with one. LOL! I am not blind, I notice all of these fine men in this world just like every other woman. Thank you, Jesus for the male creation. Lol! In my best Janette..ikz impersonation “I will wait for you!”
“Don’t kiss because that’s how you can get pregnant!” Come on… So, no one has heard that before? hahaha.
On a serious note, we are humans and God created sex and I am pretty sure He didn’t create it to be a bad thing. God never wanted us to experience sex with random people for a reason, not to keep us from some mystery pleasure that we couldn’t touch. Thank you, Eve for creating a big mess for us! Seriously, God wanted to protect us, He didn’t want us having sex before it was time because of all the turmoil that it will cause—diseases, babies, and soul ties. I believe that all children are blessings, but I also believe that it is a certain thing called stepping outside of God’s will or doing something before it is time. Kudos to all the single-moms because God has indeed given you the grace in this time. His grace far exceeds our past. God forgives and He graces us to move forward. So, this is not by any means bashing women or men. I love children and I love people. Rather, I also realize that God gives us free-will. We have a choice daily. Yes, I believe that you can say today, “I choose to honor God with my entire life.” I am not here to judge you by your past, but help lead you Christ. I mess up, but I know I would not be where I am today without God’s love and protection.
How am I maintaining?
Some of the key things that are keeping me together are praying and fasting, journaling, accountability partners, reading the Bible, watching plenty of sermons. In the words of my Pastor, “some things you can’t just pray about. Some things are only going to require praying and fasting.” That statement really blowed my mind because some of the things that I am struggling with now can only be done by fasting AND praying. I am a huge fan of old-school R&B. I love music, period. Lately, I have decided to guard my ears on what I hear… I am going on a strictly gospel and worship music cleanse. Not that I think certain music outside of the genre gospel is bad, I just decided that in order for me to abstain from sex, I realized that I had to back away from this for a moment. This will really help you from fantasizing as well as controlling your thoughts. Next, in order for this Christian walk to work for you and me is we must have people around us who are like-minded as we are. Everyone needs a group of people(believers) around them that are likeminded as well as people who are far wiser. It is going to be really hard for you to pursue a relationship with Christ if you aren’t surrounding yourself with people who are concerned about your soul, daily well-being, and purpose in life. I am thankful for my best friends and cousin(s) for constantly reminding me that I am worth the wait, and that whomever my husband is will honor the decision I’ve made. It is my prayer that my husband looks at it as honorable as well. My friends and I keep each other encouraged on a daily basis because it is just plain hard.
I am not a perfect person at all. I mess up, I get angry and frustrated, and there are days where I just want to give up on life and this Christian journey, but I am always reminded of Jesus. I think if more of us look it as protection rather than hinderance then and only then we can understand the meaning of waiting until marriage as God’s love. In my weakness, He is strong. I decided I don’t want to have to think about the “what-ifs”…. what-if I decided to live for God and not wait until marriage… I just cannot imagine my life without Jesus. I’ve been delaying walking into my purpose long enough, nothing or no one will stop me from becoming who I was designed to be in this world. I chose to wait to not only be an example for my one-day children, but to hold to tight to my commitment to God in 2012. God truly does honor obedience. Pray for me as I pray for you because it is hard for me too.